First-time Obedience with Older Children

First-time obedience is harder if a child is several years old and accustomed to waiting for his parents to repeat their instructions or correction several times. There were times I let my children slip into the habit of ignoring me the first few times, and it was hard to get back on track.

Family Discussion Is Needed to Make a Change

If you find that your older child is ignoring you when you tell him or her to do something, it’s time to implement first-time obedience.

A good way to make a big change in discipline and expectations is to put it out on the table for everyone to discuss.

A Model Discussion to Implement New Discipline

A conversation might go like this: “Jason, right before supper I asked you to wash your hands and come to the table. I repeated my instructions several times before you put down your toys and obeyed me. It’s not good for me to call you several times before you respond.”

“I just wanted to finish the roof on my birdhouse.”

“If I let you ignore me, I’m teaching you not to trust that I mean what I say. Eventually, you’ll carry that distrust over to other things – like you might not trust me if I tell you drugs are bad. It’s really important that I mean what I say and follow my spoken words with action.”

“But sometimes, I just need a few more minutes to finish something.”

“Fair enough. I’ll give you a few minutes warning so you can wrap up what you’re doing. You need to answer me, so I know you’ve heard the warning, and then respond when I tell you it’s time to come to the table. You do understand there’ll be times when there won’t be a warning? If you’re doing something wrong, I expect immediate first-time obedience. Understood?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“Let’s say we have one week to practice, since I’ve let you get into a bad habit. After that, we’ll be ready to make it work the right way – obedience the first time, so there’s no need for consequences.”

First-time Obedience for an Enjoyable Family Life

Jason and his parents have some work to do, but the result will be a more enjoyable family life.

Consequences for disobedience must be delivered every time. You’ll be surprised what a short training time you need, if you’re consistent.

Question: Have you tried first-time obedience? What were the obstacles? If you succeeded, share your success story with us.