In my last post, I wrote about first-time obedience with older children. I said, “Consequences for disobedience must be delivered every time.”
That sounds great, but I hear from parents all the time that they cannot find a punishment that works with their older children. Consequences for disobedience must meet two criteria.
The Punishment Must Fit the Crime
- The punishment needs to fit the crime, and that is most easily done through natural or logical consequences. Natural consequences occur as a result of the action of the child. All the parent has to do is allow the consequences to happen without coming to the child’s rescue. The teenage daughter who doesn’t put her clothes in the dirty clothes hamper will unhappily find that the top she wants to wear is not clean. Logical consequences are contrived by the parents to fit the misdeed. If Jackson leaves his bike out, his parents may not allow him to ride it for a week.
The Child Must Dislike the Punishment
- The punishment must be something the child doesn’t like. That sounds pretty obvious, but kids often like their punishment. Imagine the independent young girl who loves to read. When she’s punished by being sent to her room, she settles in with her book. I had a student who was failing all her English writing assignments until I discovered that Dad was taking her to his office in the evenings to redo her failed papers. She loved doing her rewrites on his top-of-the-line computer and spending quality time with him.
Convincing your child that you will accept nothing less than first-time obedience requires thought and planning on your part. Think about your child’s personality and the misdeed. Find a punishment that will make him want to be obedient the next time.
Question: Have you ever discovered that a punishment you were using was actually something your child enjoyed? How do you decide which punishments are right for you child?
February 10, 2012
Blog, Obedience